I know what you’re thinking – he’s going for four Netflix horror flicks in a row? After getting totally burned on the first two? What in the hail?? So this was an easy movie to review – there were no stars – the entire movie was about fifty people who somehow got sucked up into an alien spaceship and were then forced to play a game of musical chairs, except instead of just getting called out, the loser got electrocuted. The premise was interesting, but could it sustain a full-length movie? Of course, one has to buy the idea that aliens really travelled light years to earth just to beam up humans for a life-sized game of death roulette. Oh kay….
So of course, someone calmly decided to take charge of the situation. A young guy was first, but his reign was short-lived. It was funny watching him get zapped. And the ensuing zaps were even funnier! After about ten of the fifty got fried, a second calm, young guy piped up to take charge. He looked like a young Lou Diamond Philips. But here is the crux of my issue with this film – would anyone be rational and calm by this point? Knowing that someone was going to die every two minutes, these people would be freaking out by now. Come on, man! Anywho, the new “leader” convinced the others to sacrifice the geezers first – isn’t this always the case in these movies? Hopefully, he’s next to get zapped!
Good news, Lou Diamond got zapped, right after a geezer gave him a “fuck you!” Yes!!
Again, I was annoyed that these people were so calm. By now, everyone would just panic and run en masse. Perhaps due to hiring fifty shifty actors, they couldn’t get any that could do a convincing “we’re scared shitless!” And to add insult to injury, they stopped showing the people getting zapped, which was the most entertaining part of this movie – boooo!
And then the judgmental social stereotypes came to light. The right winner who was anti-immigrant, the cop and gang banger. Oops, no more gang banger!
By far, the worst actor and most annoying character was the sweater vest guy. I hate, hate, hate, double hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY that character! I really hoped he was next in line for the Tesla coil clobber.
By this point, I got the crux of this movie, it was a contest to see who was the biggest asshole. Sweater vest? Red suspenders and tie guy? Angry black man? The cop? Uh oh, ixnay the opcay!
Oh, they threw a change up into the mix, there’s a tie for the next victim. Of course, there’s always a tie breaker. Zot!
Someone voted for the little girl to get whacked? How dare you!
Jiminy Christmas, zap the sweater vest already. And then there was a three way tie – one of the three panicked and yelled, “kill them both!” Bad move, bro.
I really didn’t want to see the soldier go next, but man after that hammy speech, I’d be ready to hit the killswitch engage (great metal band, by the way). How in the hail was sweater vest still alive? Totally unbelievable! And then another cliché, the conservative businessman in suspenders and tie was anti-gay – he had to be next! Right again!
I guess the hook here was to keep the most annoying characters around the longest, so you really start rooting for their demise. I really wanted to see sweater vest fry! And I hated the hippie, too. And cancer lady. Zap them all and end this nonsense.
I had to pause this one to get another beer. Hey, did you ever get so high that while you’re walking, you stare down at your legs and wonder how in the hail humans can walk on two skinny legs? It’s so inherently unstable, how do we do it? I had to ponder this, on the throne of woe. Here’s a peanut gallery participation question: what’s the movie reference to that last sentence?
Anywho, great news – sweater vest finally got electroshock therapy – with the dial set to eleven! Now the hippie was the new top dick. Fry his ass! By now, it was a Survivor scenario, with alliances and the inevitable backstabbing.
Okay, down to seven. Analysis: this wasn’t really a meaty enough premise for a full length movie – the only interest left was who would be the last two and then what happened when there was only one. At this point, I hoped they would all die.
Well, kind of a surprising ending. This was a solid “meh”, twenty lightning bolts out of fifty.