Grudge Match – 2013

Movie reviews for the masses

There were six main characters in this movie, played by Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Alan Arkin, Kevin Hart, Kim Basinger and Jon Bernthal. Four are very good or great actors, and two are OVER RATED. Can you guess? Pretty obvious, right? Arkin is great – Hart, Basinger and Bernthal are very good. The other two clowns (De NIro and Stallone)… seriously over rated. That’s right, I said it. You gotta problem with that, Jerky?

Anywho, right off the bat, this movie started on a down note. They showed footage of Stallone and De Niro fighting each other over 30 years ago. Their poorly CGIed faces to make them appear younger were so bad they looked like cartoons. It was embarrassing.  Then they interspersed some footage of their Rocky and Raging Bull movies. At least that looked real. So let’s get to the two main characters (former Light Heavyweight champions) – Stallone played Henry “Razor” Sharp and De Niro Billy “The Kid ” McDonnen. Both guys were from Pittsburgh, and they still lived and worked there. So neither of these guys were Italian? And De Niro is supposed to be Irish? Come on, man! The Irishman was a great movie (albeit too long) – the only other major flaw was De Niro as the Irishman. Didn’t work in this one either! And another aspect that didn’t work – everyone in the movie called De Niro’s character “the Kid”. At 70 years old (when this movie was released)? It was ridiculous. Even McDonnen’s grandson pointed it out!

As expected, Hart and Arkin were funny – Stallone and De Niro? Nope. Bernthal and Basinger had their usual strong performances. So a little about the movie – a hackneyed story line  – two geezers that were rivals as pro fighters return to the ring to settle the score. Wow, never heard of this idea before…

It’s a fight movie so, you guessed it, there’s a training montage. Aren’t those the worst? I hate them in any movie.  Even the word “montage” sounds lame! And then, what follows the training montage? The fight – and this one was as ludicrous as every Rocky movie (and pretty much any fictional fight movie ever) – the fighters landed so many knockout punches there was no way either one would have lasted more than a few rounds. Similarly, De Niro was in no physical condition to last the ten rounds this one went. At least Stallone was still in great shape, especially for an old coot! Although I winced when I saw his right pectoral muscle – his injury and surgical reattachment was still visible – ouch.

In conclusion, the ending was obvious, per such schlock. I’d say it’s worth watching if you focus on the four real actors and not so much on the so-called legends. Still, only 4 Rocky “Adrian!”s out of ten. 

Let me have it!