The last movie I reviewed was Fatman with Mel Gibson in the lead. This time it is George Clooney. Oddly enough, Clooney had the same beard as Gibson, the same gravelly voice, the same demeanor, although more depressed. In this, he played Augustine, an astrophysicist that discovered a new moon of Jupiter. A crock of shit, right? A good way to measure the feasibility/believability of a movie is how many times I yell, “Come on, man!” at the TV. This one was at least five times – not good.
There were many aspects of the ridiculousness of this plot, such as they “discovered” a habitable moon of Jupiter, with a breathable atmosphere, liquid water, plants growing, and called it K23. Seriously?? K2-3 is a real red dwarf star with three super-earth planets, one of which is in the habitable zone. Although at 144 light years away, we aren’t going there any time soon. Jiminy Christmas, ck, what does this have to do with anything??
Anywho, the plot was about an expedition of only five astronauts that spent two years going to K23 and back, found it was habitable and could be a place where humans could survive besides earth. As fate would have it, some ridiculous cataclysm ensued that, via intense radiation, would kill all life on earth in a matter of weeks. It was never revealed what happened, but the only rational explanation was nuclear war, although that seemed not to be the case. I hate it when they come up with some absurd doomsday scenario and then don’t even try to explain what it is and how it happened. I guess they figure it would be so ludicrous the best policy is to ignore it and hope the viewer doesn’t ask any questions. Sorry Hollywood, that dog won’t hunt here.
As nonsensical as the plot was, there were equally implausible scenes, such as when Augustine fell through arctic ice but somehow survived hypothermia. Likewise, the silly swarms of asteroid and comet debris that hit and damaged the spaceship twice, yet somehow the astronauts repaired the communications system quickly.
Speaking of bad scenes, the one where they were all singing Sweet Caroline was especially cringe-worthy.
And another completely off the rails subplot, does anyone believe NASA would allow an astronaut to get pregnant during a two year mission in space, exposed to all that excess cosmic radiation? What in the hail??
One final head scratcher was near the end when they determined the earth was uninhabitable, and with only four humans alive in the entire universe to propagate the species (with one more on the way), two of the surviving humans decided to return to earth and certain death?? COME ON, MAN! Genetic diversity!!
Of course, Clooney’s acting was masterful, and the twist with his daughter was unexpected, but it’s too bad it was wasted on this heap of happy horse shit. I also liked how they just found a younger actor to play the young Augustine rather than try to CGI Clooney into someone 30 years younger. That never works and looks comically cartoonish. So if you can suspend any sense of reality, go with the flow and this was an entertaining watch. 59 out of 79 actual moons of Jupiter.