Let’s review the continuum of movies. There are great movies, good movies, meh movies, bad movies and awful movies. Then far below awful, there is this steaming, stinkin’, pile of shit. And what a shame too, because John Turturro is a great actor, as is co-star Bobby Cannavale. Jiminy Christmas, how can this movie be so horribly bad?
Before we go further on the shittiness of this film, let’s at least recognize cameos by more great actors. Christopher Walken had a minute or so of dialogue. Jon Hamm a little more. Susan Sarandon had a slightly larger part. And the GREAT J. B. “Leon” Smoove provided the only really comedy in this thing. But it begs the question – how much do big stars get paid for bit parts in shitty movies? BBSs for short. Hopefully not much for this one!
I’m not going to waste much time on this, so you don’t make the same mistake and waste your ninety minutes watching this train wreck. The plot was idiotic, the three main characters (Turturro, Cannavale and Audrey Tautou as yet another totally unbelievable character) became so annoying and hated, I hoped they went down in a hail of bullets. Near the end, they were driving a classic dodge that they had previously sabotaged by sawing through the front axle. The scene was so moronic (hey the front wheel is going to fall off – how about braking and pulling over?) when they finally crashed in a tunnel, I hoped beyond all hope that they died a horrible death in a massive fireball. But no such luck, they walked out and sat along the road while cars keep whizzing by. Hey no one reported a car crashed in a tunnel? No cops came to find two fugitives that had been in all the local papers for days? There were so many such inane plot points it is pointless to point them all out!
Best I can figure, Turturro has a male-male-female ménage a trois fantasy and decided to play it out (multiple times I will add – once was cringe-worthy enough) in a movie he wrote and directed. Other than that, this was a Seinfeld movie – a movie about nothing. To quote Fat Bastard: “Even stink would say that stinks!”
John – do yourself a favor and stick to what you do very well – acting. Leave the writing and directing to someone else.
PS Wikipedia says this movie made $65,648 in the box office. And the budget was $4,500,000. I’m shocked at both numbers – divide each by ten would be more realistic. In any event, do the math. This shit-show gets zero bowling pins out of ten – a gutter ball!
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